just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
