Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
