i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
