If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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