get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
