i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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