He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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