I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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