I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
