whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
