Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
