i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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