I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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