If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize