Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
