P.S. I can't hear my feet
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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