he puts the penis in happiness.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
