kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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