So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
