oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
