if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
