he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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