I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
