theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
