some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
