Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
