i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
