dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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