Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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