I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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