Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
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It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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