my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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