remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize