I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
