My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
