I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
