Fuck appropriateness.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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