Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
