mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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