Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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