i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
