thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
