I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
