you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
