Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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