I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
