he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
