I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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