I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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