Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
