I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
MIDGETS
????
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
