also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize