How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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