mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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