I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
