the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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