just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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