The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
