i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
