I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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