There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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