so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
