All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
