They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
