Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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