Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
