my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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