Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
