..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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