You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
