You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
